It should come as no surprise and I supposed I should be dismayed because Onterrio Smith showed last year that he can be one hell of a running back. But this is entirely too precious to not to appreciate the humor: Vikings running back Onterrio Smith–who already has two strikes in the NFL’s substance abuse policy–was stopped at airport security and found with The Original Whizzinator!, a device used to circumvent unrine tests.
Now, before you click, you should know that you may be offended by The Whizzinator Web site because it has picutres of very real looking prosthetic penises (don’t say I didn’t warn you). Yes, that’s right, Smith was caught with a fake schlong. The device goes for $150, and is a jock strap with a fake penis attached. A hidden bag holds the urine sample. The Original Whizzinator people will sell you powdered urine, to which you add a precise amount of water and inject into your Whizzinator before giving your urine sample.
Smith had one strike against him even before he entered the league for getting kicked off his college team for possession of ganja. Stike two came when he failed an NFL drug test last year and served a four game suspension as a result. It remains to be seen whether possession of a masking device constitutes strike three, for which Smith would serve a year-long suspension.
According to the Star Tribune Kevin Seifert‘s story, "the NFL’s testing guidelines include having the player take his shirt off and pull his pants down below his knees in front of an observer." The Whizzinator must be awfully good, if those are the standards. Apparently, it’s good enough for actor Tom Sizemore of Saving Private Ryan and Black Hawk Down fame who got caught using the device in April.
Not that he doesn’t deserve it, but how embarrasing for Smith. When, or if, he does get back on the field, can you imagine the heckling he’ll receive from fans and the trash talking he’ll get from opponents? I’m thinking the word "dildo" will be among the most popular insults.
Onterrio Smith claimed he was taking the Whizzinator to his cousin. Really?!? Considering his history, count me as a Doubting John Thomas.